I'm Gonna Lose It!: Week One

Sunday, March 2, 2008

Week One

I chose the jeans that I look the worst in for my weekly weigh-in pictures. And the shirt, I love. I used to wear it - 15 pounds ago - just can't wear it anymore because I'm falling out of it. I will wear the same outfit every weigh in.

I have been this weight for a few years now. I think this is my comfortable weight when I don't care, and don't take care of myself.

It's all changing now,

because I'm losing it!

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My Story

I can't tell you how many times I have said "I"M GONNA LOSE IT" - and how many different situations I have said it in - sometimes while laughing, sometimes while yelling, and many times while crying. I have said it when I have misplaced something for the100th time. I have said it when my patience has been pushed to the very edge. I have said it when I have had to repeat directions to my children more than a few times. I have said it (many times) while looking at my reflection in the mirror - and the unwanted pounds on my body. But I want to be done saying it for that reason. I have spent way, way too long wanting to be done.

About 5 years ago, I hit rock bottom with the depression that came along with being 210 pounds. It is so difficult to see pictures of me at this size, because I see so much behind the smile, that others didn't. With the support of friends and family, and ofcourse, willpower, I lost 60 pounds, going from a size 18/20, to a size 12. I did it the good ol' "more moving and less eating" way. I was 151 pounds when I left California, and even though I still had in mind to lose a little more, I actually felt pretty good.

I never did lose another pound. Infact, shortly after moving to Idaho, it slowly started coming back. So did the depression. I gained about 20 pounds.

Since then, on many occasions I thought I had come close enough to that rock bottom place to where I was ready to "lose it" again. Pun intended. I have made promise after promise to myself. I have started and stopped many attempts at this ever so difficult weightloss challenge. I have lost a few pounds, and gained some back, again and again. I have weighed 164 pounds, give or take a couple, for a very long time now. At one point I told myself that this is just the size I will be forever. I tried to tell myself that it's not that bad - and that I can be happy. I was SO wrong. So, here I am. Again. I have a different feeling about it this time - hard to explain - but it's positive.

Chip suggested keeping a blog this time - putting it out there for all (actually, a carefully selected group) to see. At first I thought he was nuts, but the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. Now I am accountable to my readers. That's where all of you come in. I can't do this without your help! I am asking each of you to, if you haven't already, set up an account so you are able to post on my blog. Then I need you to check my progress regularly, and comment!

I am sending this to you because I know you will inspire me along the way.

I am trying to be use my awesome husband's motto he used on his 48 day long bike ride -"I CAN!"

So, here we go.... here's to losing it - the weight, that is! My goal is 145. Honestly, I can't even fathom it, but I know I would feel on top of the world.

Thank you everybody!

I'm Gonna Lose It!

Sunday, March 2, 2008

Week One

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My Story

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