A HUGE, HUGE Milestone!!

I am still in disbelief, still in shock, and even in a little denial.

Yesterday was the best day EVER for me! Something happened that I almost gave up on ever happening. Something that is making me pinch myself repeatedly to make sure it really did happen.

I went out to get a pair of capris for our trip to California. I didn't know what kind I wanted, so I grabbed a ton to see the different styles. I took 9 pair of size 12's (my size for 3 1/2 years now) in the dressing room. Each time I put a pair on, I noticed they just kinda felt sloppy or something - but I couldn't quite put my finger on why or what was going on. Each time, I would show Chip, and then go to the next one. Well, it was about the 6th pair that Chip noticed that there was enough room in every pair to put a small child's fist in the waist. - He went and got me a size 10. It never even entered my mind to try a 10 - EVER!! I thought he was crazy, but he basically told me to hush up and just try.

AND TO MY TOTAL SURPRISE - THEY FIT! THEY FRIGGIN FIT!!!

At first, I was convinced that it was only that particular brand. But sure enough, the next 6 pair of size 10's - all different brands - fit me perfectly. SIZE TEN FRIENDS!!!!!

I must have looked at the tag 87 times just to see that glorious number.

I cannot begin to explain the feelings I had when I pushed the 12's aside on the rack to pick out a 10. It was actually quite bizarre but of course mostly absolutely wonderful and unbelievable.

Now, my goal of a single digit size is more in sight. Now it seems more attainable. But for now, I will enjoy my 10's.

Chip has always told me I am a "10". :)

Finally, I can say, "You bet I am!!"

Week 13 - 155.0 - Down 3.5

Good news! I'm going down again. Okay, so most of it is cause I'm done with my you-know-what, but I haven't weighed 155 yet - I'm so happy!

Interesting though - as far as exercising goes, it was a bad week. May is the busiest month in the world with school programs, activities, celebrations, etc. Chip and I were at the school every day last week! That doesn't mean I couldn't have found another time to work out - I just didn't.

HOWEVER, I was more in control of my eating than I have ever been. No mindless munching. No huge portions. No eating past 7:30. I felt great with how I did in that area all week - well, Monday through Friday at least. The weekends are tougher. Regardless, with staying active and busy combined with feeling in control when I eat, I had good results on the scale today.

I still haven't had one sip of soda. I am surprised, actually. The hardest part is when we are out and the fountain drinks are calling to me. I just keep my crystal light in my purse no matter what. If I have that, and ice to chew on, I am just fine. Chip says it looks like a punishment, watching me pour the packet into my water bottle... Here I am - being punished at Aubrey's orchestra program! :)

I wanted so very much to be 149 when we left for California (for Kelley's wedding - yay!) on June 5th. If I dwell on the fact that I'm not on the right track for that, I will only feel badly. Instead, my goal will to be simply to keep going down, and half a pound or a pound a week would be fantastic for me at this point.

Thank you, blog reader friends! Your comments are fantastic, and motivating! By the way, thank you to a great friend who called and left me a message about my jaw line - I was cracking up, but amazingly, it helped me feel much better - love you all!

Week 12 - 158.5 - Up 2

Excuse my blunt-ness..... Losing weight sucks.

That's all there is to it!

It is the toughest thing I have ever put myself through. If only I didn't let it all happen in the first place. I used to be so careless, and now I am paying for it.

It's my wonderful time of the month. I am lucky enough to get ALL of the symptoms - cramps, headaches, bloating, mood swings, and (this one is the worst) increased appetite. It feels like someone else is controlling my hands when it comes to putting food into my mouth. I hate it.

What I hate most of all is how touchy my weight is! Miss a work out? Gain a pound. Eat a too much? Gain a pound. That's what it seems like. If only my efforts had the opposite effect! Good work out? Lose a pound! Skip a second helping? Lose a pound! Of course not - that would be too easy.

I was SO depressed last night when I weighed in. I told Chip I wasn't going to post and that I wanted to go get a big 44 ouncer of Diet Pepsi. (Not one sip this week by the way!) He loves me right now - this second - all 158 pounds of me. I'm so thankful for that. In fact, last night while trying hard to be positive when all I wanted to do was cry myself to sleep and stay there for a week, I realized something.

I always tend to feel sorry for myself for struggling so much with my weight. I tell myself that I will trade this challenge for another one any time. That's when I realized that perhaps I really am blessed. Because would I really? No. I would much rather struggle with this than a terrible illness, or an unhappy marriage, or not having friends, etc, etc.

I am still going to continue with this. I will try my best this week. I am still determined to accomplish my goals. This blog helps me be accountable. If it wasn't for all of you reading, I would be drowning my woes in Diet Pepsi and oh, I don't know.... hostess cupcakes or something!

I CAN!!!!!!!!!!

Week 11 - 156.5 Down 1 (7.5 total)

First of all - to all my faithful, wonderful blog commenters/supporters.....

Just wanted to make sure you knew how much you all help me. If it wasn't for all of you, I honestly don't know how long I might have lasted. Your comments motivate me and keep my chin up. I love you all - thank you, thank you, thank you!!!

Well thank Goodness for that #6 on the scale this week! If I would have seen the same numbers for the 4th week in a row, I think I would have gone crazy! I had a pretty good week, although I was nervous since I over did it on THREE different occasions!

Occasion #1 - my good friend, Lisa had some friends over the night before her wedding - when yummy food is in front of me, it's almost impossible for me to shun it! Thank goodness it was just fruit and yogurt dip I couldn't stop munching on, but still, I over did it. THEN, at her wedding reception the next day, (occasion #2) I enjoyed the buffet a little more than I should have too. It was wonderful by the way, Lisa was beautiful. I am thrilled for her. Oh, and then Chip and the girls made a wonderful, delicious Mother's Day barbecue meal, (occasion #3) and although the food I ate was healthy for the most part - again - it was too good to stop sometimes. (and home-made Buttermilk ranch is to die for!!)

I do have some great news - a big announcement! Believe me, it's a biggy! On Friday, I had my last diet soda!! Some might roll their eyes, but for me, who once thought I could never stop drinking the stuff and justified every gulp, this is huge!! The truth is what I have always known but didn't want to admit - it really was just pure junk going into my body. Nothin good about it. My justifications were that there are no calories, and since weight loss is all about calories, I could still have my diet soda fix. The truth is, being addicted to anything feels terrible. I hate being dependant on a stupid drink. I hate thinking I can't function without it. I hate that my thoughts were consumed with when I was going to get my daily fountain drink, and if I could make it that long. I have always wanted to be done, but just didn't think I could do it. Different people have challenged me to try, which has strengthened my desire, but it wasn't until I had a conversation with a good friend, Lisa (I have lots of Lisa friends!) this weekend that finally turned on the light bulb in my head. She had her last diet soda in March (she'd been drinking it daily for over 20 years!) She swears she will never drink soda again because of how great she feels, and she also once thought she could never do it. She shared her tips with me and flat out told me to be done with it. Before, I might have said, "I know, I really should.... I really want to be done... but I just don't know..." This time, I looked at her and I said, "Okay, I'm done too." And I really meant it. Even my friend Nikki is saying no to sweets this week so we can do this together. Huge sacrifice for her. You are awesome Nikki - We can!!!

That same day I said I was done, I had to go to Fred Meyer. I have always praised that place because it has a fountain drink machine in the store. I have never gone inside without first going straight for the 44 ouncer. To me, there's not a whole lot of things more enjoyable than walking around the store talking with Anela, and sipping a big ol' fountain drink. It was actually kinda hard to walk in and turn the other way. I had Hannah with me and she said, "Where are you going? You need your soda first!" I told her I wasn't going to do that anymore and she looked at me as if I had polka dots all over my face or something.

So.... goodbye diet Pepsi. You have always been there for me, and although I might miss you now and again, you are no longer welcome in my life, as well as my other favorites, diet Sunkist, and diet Dr. Pepper. You are just no good for me. Thanks for the good times, but it is time for me to move on to bigger and better things like water, and Crystal Light.

I CAN!!!!

Week Ten - Same Ol' Same Ol'

Well, as you can tell, I've kinda been dreading this post. I'm really tired of being the same weight. I am mostly tired of DAILY 45 minute cardio workouts and DAILY 20 minutes strength training workouts only to see the same number on the scale and NOT have my pants fit any looser. I can only go so long believing it will change soon before I go insane! So, this week Chip came up with really "hardcore" program for me to follow to see if my body responds . He thinks I need a change in my workouts, and that my body might be too used to my routine. This week I am breaking it up. I am running on the treadmill, pedaling the bike, and doing a different cross trainer machine than I am used to. It feels really good. Today I actually ran on the treadmill for a considerable amount of time. I am quite proud of that, as I have always said that I cannot run more than a minute at a time. I am doing 90 minutes of cardio alone including strength training every day.

Also, I am drinking 10 glasses of water every day (I was only drinking 4-ish before) and having only 12 oz of diet soda instead of my regular 44 oz. I know. I know. I don't know for sure if diet soda had a negative effect on my weight loss, but I am willing to find out. And if you know me, you know this is tough for me! I know plenty of thin women who love their diet soda, I just wanted to be one of them! Maybe I just can't. I don't think my diet soda tastes as good as thin must feel, but it comes awfully, awfully close!!

Part of the program was also for me to be in bed by 10:30 - so far this is the most difficult part for me. At 10:30, I feel like it is finally time to get some things done!! I haven't been successful at this part yet. Getting enough sleep is important though, so I would still like to try harder with this one.

I am journaling every morsel that goes into my mouth to be sure I am not eating more than I think I am. I am eating 5-6 small, healthy meals a day and doing well in that area.

Anyway, I certainly hope to have good news soon - if not this Sunday, then the next for sure when my efforts have caught up to me. Wish me luck!!!