Help Me Succeed!

I'M GONNA LOSE IT!!

I can't tell you how many times I have said this - and how many different situations I have said it in - sometimes while laughing, sometimes while yelling, and many times while crying.

I have said it when I have misplaced something for the100th time.

I have said it when my patience has been pushed to the very edge.

I have said it when I have had to repeat directions to my children more than a few times.

I have said it (many times) while looking at my reflection in the mirror - and the unwanted pounds on my body.

But I want to be done saying it for that reason. I have spent way, way too long wanting to be done.

About 5 years ago, I hit rock bottom with the depression that came with being 210 pounds. This picture was taken around that time. It's difficult to see pictures of me at this size, because I see so much behind the smile, that others didn't.

With the support of friends and family, and ofcourse, willpower, I lost 60 pounds, going from a size 20, to a size 12. I did it the good ol' "more moving and less eating" way. I was 151 pounds when I left California, and even though I still had in mind to lose a little more, I actually felt pretty good.

I never did lose another pound. Infact, shortly after moving to Idaho, it slowly started coming back.

So did the depression. I gained about 20 pounds.

Since then, on many occasions I thought I had come close enough to that rock bottom place to where I was ready to "lose it" again. Pun intended. I have made promise after promise to myself. I have started and stopped many attempts at this ever so difficult weightloss challenge. I have lost a few pounds, and gained some back, again and again. I have weighed 164 pounds, give or take a couple, for a very long time now. At one point I told myself that this is just the size I will be forever. I tried to tell myself that it's not that bad - and that I can be happy.

I was SO wrong. So, here I am. Again.

I have a different feeling about it this time - hard to explain - but it's positive.

Chip suggested keeping a blog this time - putting it out there for all (actually, a carefully selected group) to see. At first I thought he was nuts, but the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. Now I am accountable to my readers.

That's where all of you come in. I can't do this without your help! I am asking each of you to, if you haven't already, set up an account so you are able to post on my blog. Then I need you to check my progress regularly, and comment, comment, comment!

I am sending this to only those I feel comfortable sharing such personal feelings and well, my weight with! People I want on this whole journey with me - people who I know will help and support. All advice is very welcomed too!

I will weigh in every Sunday evening, and post it on my blog. That's the only part I know for sure. I'll probably post a little here and there during the week also. We'll just see how it goes.

I will also be using my awesome husband's motto he used on his 48 day long bike ride -

"I CAN!"

So, here we go.... here's to losing it - the good kind of losing it!


Thank you everybody!