I'm Gonna Lose It!: Gaining Control

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Gaining Control

First of all, I can't thank everyone enough for their awesome, wonderful support. You just couldn't imagine what it does for me right now. This is going to help, I just KNOW it!!

The past couple days, my eating has totally been in control. It actually feels foreign - truly foreign. It is so strange because I'm simply not used to it. But of course, it feels wonderful.

Every other weight loss attempt I have ever made (besides the first one 5 years ago) haven't had enough emphasis on the eating part - at all. I would start an exercise program (I have joined and un-joined Curves, I have gone to the rec center across the street, I have walked in the mornings, I have tried pilates) all of these last for about three-ish months. I usually get too frustrated that I am not seeing the results I want, so I quit, until next time. Along with those programs I start come small eating changes, but never really sacrificial eating changes, make sense? This time, I am truly eating differently - BIG changes, not itty bitty changes and then expect the pounds to melt away. I never thought I could do this. I can't count how many times I have told myself that I simply couldn't do it because I have zero will power.

For the first time in my life, I feel like I have will power. As silly as I feel having my eyes well up with tears right now because I am able to pass up french fries, the feeling is better than one can imagine. The desire to eat to live rather than live to eat is strong and real. It feels SO good! I can finally see what I have been reading and what I have heard for years, that "FOOD IS FUEL!" Understanding WHY we eat has made all the difference. I have known it, but NEVER lived it. Food is also to enjoy. That's why I will enjoy birthday cake and Starbucks cookies on occasion. But I don't feel like I need them to get through my day. I just feel happy lately.

Several of you have mentioned wanting to hop on the weight loss blog thing. GO FOR IT! We can all help each other so much! Just making entries like this one is just awesome and so helpful - I can't wait to see some of yours - LET'S DO THIS!!!!

(and Happy Birthday to my dear friend, Misty!)

2 comments:

Anonymous said...: Tracy Dearest,
It is an honor to be included on your list. I have been feeling like a tub myself. You are an inspiration to me to lose it as well. (As long as I dont lose it while I am losing it, you knwo what I mean??)
Hang in there baby.
You can!

Auntie Janet; March 20, 2008 at 5:39 PM
Anonymous said...: Eating makes all the difference doesn't it? I' so happy for you that you are experiencing it, because I'm still talking about it. I'm hoping you'll become that inspiration I need. Love you!; March 21, 2008 at 2:03 PM

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My Story

I can't tell you how many times I have said "I"M GONNA LOSE IT" - and how many different situations I have said it in - sometimes while laughing, sometimes while yelling, and many times while crying. I have said it when I have misplaced something for the100th time. I have said it when my patience has been pushed to the very edge. I have said it when I have had to repeat directions to my children more than a few times. I have said it (many times) while looking at my reflection in the mirror - and the unwanted pounds on my body. But I want to be done saying it for that reason. I have spent way, way too long wanting to be done.

About 5 years ago, I hit rock bottom with the depression that came along with being 210 pounds. It is so difficult to see pictures of me at this size, because I see so much behind the smile, that others didn't. With the support of friends and family, and ofcourse, willpower, I lost 60 pounds, going from a size 18/20, to a size 12. I did it the good ol' "more moving and less eating" way. I was 151 pounds when I left California, and even though I still had in mind to lose a little more, I actually felt pretty good.

I never did lose another pound. Infact, shortly after moving to Idaho, it slowly started coming back. So did the depression. I gained about 20 pounds.

Since then, on many occasions I thought I had come close enough to that rock bottom place to where I was ready to "lose it" again. Pun intended. I have made promise after promise to myself. I have started and stopped many attempts at this ever so difficult weightloss challenge. I have lost a few pounds, and gained some back, again and again. I have weighed 164 pounds, give or take a couple, for a very long time now. At one point I told myself that this is just the size I will be forever. I tried to tell myself that it's not that bad - and that I can be happy. I was SO wrong. So, here I am. Again. I have a different feeling about it this time - hard to explain - but it's positive.

Chip suggested keeping a blog this time - putting it out there for all (actually, a carefully selected group) to see. At first I thought he was nuts, but the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. Now I am accountable to my readers. That's where all of you come in. I can't do this without your help! I am asking each of you to, if you haven't already, set up an account so you are able to post on my blog. Then I need you to check my progress regularly, and comment!

I am sending this to you because I know you will inspire me along the way.

I am trying to be use my awesome husband's motto he used on his 48 day long bike ride -"I CAN!"

So, here we go.... here's to losing it - the weight, that is! My goal is 145. Honestly, I can't even fathom it, but I know I would feel on top of the world.

Thank you everybody!

I'm Gonna Lose It!

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Gaining Control

2 comments:

My Story

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