I DON'T want to live my life like this! Every day I spend the ENTIRE day... no exaggeration... hoping, waiting, wanting, wishing... for the strength to start tomorrow. What a ridiculously sad way to live life!!! Seriously. I realize that life is a gift... it is to be cherished... yada, yada, yada. But I will ask myself the same question that I have asked a million times. So, why don't I do anything about the way I am living if I dwell on it SO very much????
Here's what's so bewildering to me. I read my posts from a year ago... and it's the same thing... the same words... the same miserable feelings. Yet, in that year, I could have lost the weight and felt completely amazing by now. But instead, I let all this time go by... and it feels wasted. And I always end this pathetic paragraph with --- So, what's my problem?!
What will it take to change?
Is it really within me?
And if so... how do I find it?
People say that that I must not want it bad enough.... on one hand, that's the most obsurd thing I have ever heard!
On the other hand... it makes sense.
Thoughts?
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Whether I think I can, or I think I can't... I'm right.
"A year from now, you may wish you had started today"- Robert Schuller
"The dictionary is the only place where success comes before work." Arthur Brisbane
"The tragedy in life doesn't lie in not reaching your goal. The tragedy lies in having no goal to reach." Benjamin Mays
My Story
I can't tell you how many times I have said "I"M GONNA LOSE IT" - and how many different situations I have said it in - sometimes while laughing, sometimes while yelling, and many times while crying. I have said it when I have misplaced something for the100th time. I have said it when my patience has been pushed to the very edge. I have said it when I have had to repeat directions to my children more than a few times. I have said it (many times) while looking at my reflection in the mirror - and the unwanted pounds on my body. But I want to be done saying it for that reason. I have spent way, way too long wanting to be done.
About 5 years ago, I hit rock bottom with the depression that came along with being 210 pounds. It is so difficult to see pictures of me at this size, because I see so much behind the smile, that others didn't. With the support of friends and family, and ofcourse, willpower, I lost 60 pounds, going from a size 18/20, to a size 12. I did it the good ol' "more moving and less eating" way. I was 151 pounds when I left California, and even though I still had in mind to lose a little more, I actually felt pretty good.
I never did lose another pound. Infact, shortly after moving to Idaho, it slowly started coming back. So did the depression. I gained about 20 pounds.
Since then, on many occasions I thought I had come close enough to that rock bottom place to where I was ready to "lose it" again. Pun intended. I have made promise after promise to myself. I have started and stopped many attempts at this ever so difficult weightloss challenge. I have lost a few pounds, and gained some back, again and again. I have weighed 164 pounds, give or take a couple, for a very long time now. At one point I told myself that this is just the size I will be forever. I tried to tell myself that it's not that bad - and that I can be happy. I was SO wrong. So, here I am. Again. I have a different feeling about it this time - hard to explain - but it's positive.
Chip suggested keeping a blog this time - putting it out there for all (actually, a carefully selected group) to see. At first I thought he was nuts, but the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. Now I am accountable to my readers. That's where all of you come in. I can't do this without your help! I am asking each of you to, if you haven't already, set up an account so you are able to post on my blog. Then I need you to check my progress regularly, and comment!
I am sending this to you because I know you will inspire me along the way.
I am trying to be use my awesome husband's motto he used on his 48 day long bike ride -"I CAN!"
So, here we go.... here's to losing it - the weight, that is! My goal is 145. Honestly, I can't even fathom it, but I know I would feel on top of the world.
Thank you everybody!
About 5 years ago, I hit rock bottom with the depression that came along with being 210 pounds. It is so difficult to see pictures of me at this size, because I see so much behind the smile, that others didn't. With the support of friends and family, and ofcourse, willpower, I lost 60 pounds, going from a size 18/20, to a size 12. I did it the good ol' "more moving and less eating" way. I was 151 pounds when I left California, and even though I still had in mind to lose a little more, I actually felt pretty good.
I never did lose another pound. Infact, shortly after moving to Idaho, it slowly started coming back. So did the depression. I gained about 20 pounds.
Since then, on many occasions I thought I had come close enough to that rock bottom place to where I was ready to "lose it" again. Pun intended. I have made promise after promise to myself. I have started and stopped many attempts at this ever so difficult weightloss challenge. I have lost a few pounds, and gained some back, again and again. I have weighed 164 pounds, give or take a couple, for a very long time now. At one point I told myself that this is just the size I will be forever. I tried to tell myself that it's not that bad - and that I can be happy. I was SO wrong. So, here I am. Again. I have a different feeling about it this time - hard to explain - but it's positive.
Chip suggested keeping a blog this time - putting it out there for all (actually, a carefully selected group) to see. At first I thought he was nuts, but the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. Now I am accountable to my readers. That's where all of you come in. I can't do this without your help! I am asking each of you to, if you haven't already, set up an account so you are able to post on my blog. Then I need you to check my progress regularly, and comment!
I am sending this to you because I know you will inspire me along the way.
I am trying to be use my awesome husband's motto he used on his 48 day long bike ride -"I CAN!"
So, here we go.... here's to losing it - the weight, that is! My goal is 145. Honestly, I can't even fathom it, but I know I would feel on top of the world.
Thank you everybody!
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started 9/24
3 comments:
Lots of love your way, my friend.
I'm in the middle of trying to deal with how to gain more self control, too. The thing that has managed to actually keep me on track is accountability. I make a commitment to a good friend outside of my family and if I fail in my commitment, I have to pay her a set amount. Last year it was sugar. If I ate dessert or a treat, I had to pay my cousin $20. It totally worked. I couldn't do "If I haven't lost 10 pounds by x date, I'll pay you $20." It had to be a daily thing, a Do Not Do thing.
Right now it's going to bed on time, so I called a friend and told her if I'm not in bed by 11, I'll have to pay her $20.
Since our money is super tight right now, this works for me. I can't eat a piece of cake and justify it costing me $20 or stay up watching a stupid show for $20. I am so grateful to have found something that works for me. This may not work for you, but if you pray enough about a specific strategy to help you, I know Heavenly Father will guide you.
You CAN do it!!!!
MY sil in hurricane joined a Biggest Loser group in her neighborhood. It's similar to what Karri said. You enter the group with $75. You get 5 day a week workouts and a meal plan. If you lose 2.2 pounds every week, you are fine. BUT, if you don't or you gain or whatever, you owe $20. !!!?!?!!?! I was like, WHAT?, but she said it's working for her because they can' afford for her not to lose weight. Then, I asked her, "what if you just quit?" Then you ose $40 to get out. Sounds insane, but I guess money makes the world go ROUND!!!! I'm not sure I'm "there" yet. But, I know that I need to change some things. We can do this! WE CAN!
Good for you, Tracy! Very inspiring. I always try to remember that every day is a new opportunity to be healthy . . . no matter how crazy I ate over the weekend! :)
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